Want to know what a dating coach hears time and time again? Here are the top 3 misconceptions about online dating that I hear from clients—and what you should be thinking instead.
1. “Chemistry is real. If you don’t feel it right away with someone, move on.”
This one drives me nuts! How many times have you gone out with someone on a first or second date and came home and gushed to your friends about how great the person was and how there was crazy chemistry between the two of you…. Only to find on the next date, there is nothing there or you never hear from them again? You cannot base your view of a future relationship on the first date. It takes time to get to know someone and see their true personalities surface.
So, give it time. If you would be friends with this person, give it more than two dates. In my interview with Dr. Lonnie Barbach, she mentioned that she was friends with her now husband for 15 years before they realized there was something there, and they’ve been together for 35 years since! I’m not suggesting you need to wait that long, but I am suggesting you give people an honest chance, and ample time for more romantic feelings to build.
2. “Online dating works for other people, but not for me.”
I have heard this one too many times! And I get where it comes from, I really do. But if you give up on online dating, you drastically reduce your chances of meeting someone at all. The only way online dating works is if you are proactive—you get out of it what you put in. You need to put your best possible foot forward with a well-curated profile, you need to spend time every day swiping and messaging, and you need to ask people out. That’s the bottom line.
3. “If I match and message with enough people, eventually someone will ask me out.”
To begin with, see my previous answer… but I’ll continue with: if you wait around for the other person to ask you out, you will go on far fewer dates, reducing your chances of meeting the right person. Gone are the days that women need to wait for a man to make the first move! And to be honest, from all the people I work with, men take much longer to get to the point of asking someone out than women. But this message is to everyone, men and women: Just ask them out!
FLASH SALE – EXTENDED
Due to demand, I’m extending the flash sale on my Mindful Dating 101 course for one more week, through April 7, 11:59pm!
As a reminder, you will receive:
- 12 videos exploring 12 different topics related to dating apps, your dating profile, texting with matches, fashion, and in-person dates – $84 value
- Digital Dating Diary – workbook of weekly reflections, plus tips, examples, and challenges – $39 value
- Date Debriefs – curated journal to track your in-person dates – $19 value
- Access to private SMP Facebook group – ask questions and share advice with the SMP community – priceless 🙂
$150 Now through April 7, only $39!
Enter promo code SPRING at check out to purchase the entire Mindful Dating 101 package for $39, only through April 7. Happy dating!
Need help with your online dating profile? Schedule a consultation to learn more.
And if you’re a previous SMP client, click here to find out about date coaching!