Want to know what a dating coach hears time and time again? Here are the top 3 misconceptions about online dating that I hear from clients—and what you should be thinking instead.
1. “Chemistry is real. If you don’t feel it right away with someone, move on.”
This one drives me nuts! How many times have you gone out with someone on a first or second date and came home and gushed to your friends about how great the person was and how there was crazy chemistry between the two of you…. Only to find on the next date, there is nothing there or you never hear from them again? You cannot base your view of a future relationship on the first date. It takes time to get to know someone and see their true personalities surface.
So, give it time. If you would be friends with this person, give it more than two dates. In my interview with Dr. Lonnie Barbach, she mentioned that she was friends with her now husband for 15 years before they realized there was something there, and they’ve been together for 35 years since! I’m not suggesting you need to wait that long, but I am suggesting you give people an honest chance, and ample time for more romantic feelings to build.
2. “Online dating works for other people, but not for me.”
I have heard this one too many times! And I get where it comes from, I really do. But if you give up on online dating, you drastically reduce your chances of meeting someone at all. The only way online dating works is if you are proactive—you get out of it what you put in. You need to put your best possible foot forward with a well-curated profile, you need to spend time every day swiping and messaging, and you need to ask people out. That’s the bottom line.
3. “If I match and message with enough people, eventually someone will ask me out.”
To begin with, see my previous answer… but I’ll continue with: if you wait around for the other person to ask you out, you will go on far fewer dates, reducing your chances of meeting the right person. Gone are the days that women need to wait for a man to make the first move! And to be honest, from all the people I work with, men take much longer to get to the point of asking someone out than women. But this message is to everyone, men and women: Just ask them out!
Grab Mindful Dating 101
As a reminder, you will receive:
- Instant, On-Demand access to all 12 dating modules in Mindful Dating 101
- Exclusive access to the Style My Profile Facebook group – Ask questions and share advice with the SMP community
- Swipe-Right Profile – An in-depth guide and checklist for crafting a winning profile and getting desirable matches
- Digital Dating Diary – A workbook for weekly reflections, tracking progress, and Date Debriefs
- “Red Flag” Readiness – A no-nonsense breakdown for knowing when to turn around and run the other way
- ALL of the Closet Cleanse and 15 Essential Pieces resources
- ALL of Profile In An Hour – including the high-demand Top 30 Irresistible Icebreakers – to guarantee messages receive a response
Need help with your online dating profile? Schedule a consultation to learn more.
And if you’re a previous SMP client, click here to find out about date coaching!