This week’s guest on The Dating Lab has one of my favorite “how we met” stories ever. Truly.

Jill Foos is a National Board Certified health and wellness coach, and she met her partner, Noah, because a group of divorced girlfriends got together to trade dating stories and someone thought, why not just set each other up with men that they had met on apps but weren’t for them. Just women who were thinking outside the box and in my opinion, found a new method of dating. Jill now calls it a “dating potluck.”

I loved this conversation for a lot of reasons, but especially because Jill is honest about the parts of dating after divorce that nobody really prepares you for — including the mistake of dating too early during her separation, and the relief of hiring a therapist specifically to be her dating sounding board.

We also got into something I talk about constantly with my own clients: the six foot rule, and every other superficial requirement that not so subtly shrinks your dating pool. Jill let hers go and found something better on the other side of it.

We talked about breaking old dating patterns and letting go of the instant spark, why humor and active listening do more for attraction than most people realize, and what changed for her once she stopped rushing physical intimacy. We also spent real time on perimenopause and menopause — the toll they take on confidence and libido, what responsive desire actually is, and why rebuilding your healthcare team is just as important as rebuilding your dating life.

If you’ve ever felt like your body or your confidence changed the rules on you mid-game, this episode will make you feel a lot less alone in it. And if you’ve been holding onto a requirement that might be quietly costing you a good match, consider this your nudge to look at it again.

You can listen to the full episode on ​Spotify​, ​Apple​, ​YouTube​, or wherever you get your podcasts.