You know you need more photos. Better ones. Recent ones. Ones that actually look like you on a good day, in real light, doing something you love.

And yet — the idea of coordinating a dedicated photo session feels like a lot right now. So you keep putting it off. And your profile keeps running on photos from two years ago, or from your daughter’s wedding, or that one decent shot your friend got at a birthday dinner.

Listen, I know it’s hard. And not everyone is created equal when it comes to knowing how to take a good selfie. However…. the best time to update your photos is always now! Not when everything lines up perfectly. And while there’s nothing quite like a full profile overhaul — the kind where someone does the whole thing with you, start to finish — there are also genuinely good ways to keep your photos current in between, or when you just want to handle it yourself.

Let me break down the easiest ones.

Ask a friend (but ask the right way)

This is the most underused option, and it works. The key is being specific when you ask. Don’t say “can you take some photos of me sometime” — that will go nowhere. Instead, say: “I’m trying to update my dating profile and I need someone to take 45 minutes and take some photos of me on Saturday morning. Would you be up for that? I’ll provide the coffee and bagels!”

Give them a time, a place, and a purpose. People want to help. They just need to know exactly what you’re asking for.

Natural light is your best friend here — outdoors, or near a window, in the morning or late afternoon. No overhead lighting. No flash. Just soft, even daylight and someone who knows you well enough to catch you mid-laugh.

Use your phone’s self-timer

This one gets an unfair reputation. A modern iPhone or Android on a small tripod — which you can buy for under $30 — gives you complete control: lighting, angle, location, timing. You can take 50 shots in 10 minutes and find four or five that genuinely work.

The trick is to move. Don’t stand still and stare at the camera. Walk toward it, look slightly to the side, look down and then up. Give yourself something to react to — put on a song you love, think of something funny, go way over the top and let yourself laugh about how silly it feels. The best photos rarely happen when you’re trying to look good. They happen when you forget you’re being photographed.

Build it into things you’re already doing

This is the one I find most useful, because it solves two problems at once: you get natural, current photos, and you don’t have to manufacture a special occasion to get them.

Heading somewhere interesting this weekend? Ask someone to grab a few shots of you there. Trying a new restaurant, attending an author event, walking somewhere beautiful — any of these become a low-pressure opportunity to get a real photo that shows something true about who you are. These are also, not coincidentally, exactly the kinds of photos that make the best profiles. Not posed. Not performative. Just you, somewhere you actually go, looking like yourself.

A note on what “recent” actually means

I recommend refreshing your lead photo every few months, and swapping in at least one new photo every season. Not because you change that much, but because staying current signals that you’re actively engaged in this — that your profile reflects who you are right now, not who you were before your hair changed, or before you lost or gained weight, or before whatever chapter you’re currently in. (And, P.S., it’s also good for the algorithm).

The person looking at your profile deserves to recognize you when you walk in. And most importantly: you deserve to show up as who you actually are.

These methods work well for keeping things current between bigger updates. But if you’re at a point where you want someone to come in and do the whole thing with you — photos, bios, strategy, all of it in one focused session — that’s exactly what my ​Profile In A Day​ is built for. It’s worth knowing that option exists if and when you’re ready.

For now, if you want a clear checklist of what your photos need to do — and what to avoid — my free Dating App Checklist is a good place to start.

​​Download the Dating App Checklist​​

​ Happy dating,

Alyssa