The Truth About Dating Dealbreakers

In the last couple of weeks, not one, but two people told me they’d matched with and were chatting with people who didn’t like the beach, and that that was a dealbreaker to them.

This is going to be a controversial opinion: I think the only fundamental dating dealbreakers off the bat are character traits (of course you shouldn’t date someone who is rude to service workers) and serious allergies (if your date can’t be around your dog, choose your dog).

I’m not saying you should swipe right on everyone who doesn’t seem like an asshole or who doesn’t have a cat if you’re allergic. It’s okay to still be discerning! Match with the people who interest you.

But once you’re in the early phase of getting to know each other, be generous. If you’re otherwise compatible, you can theoretically compromise on anything. Maybe you’ll find on down the line that there are things the two of you can’t compromise on, and that’s okay — but you’ll never know unless you try.

I actually ran into the beach issue myself. My dream vacation involves a lounge chair with an umbrella, the sound of the waves, and no agenda. My partner Yoav gets antsy after 5 minutes and would rather be doing anything else.

But you know what? Yoav is a kind, thoughtful, hilarious, and supportive person. Why on earth would I sacrifice that?! So I go on beach vacations with my girlfriends or my daughters; Yoav goes on adventure trips with his crew. (In fact, it’s a healthy way we maintain the other important relationships in our lives!)

And of course, because we do love spending time together, sometimes we compromise. We’ll spend a day on the beach, and a day on a food tour through the city center. Win-win!

Not everything is going to slot as neatly into this beach analogy. But so many things we think are roadblocks can be completely surmountable – differences in hobbies, differences in financial situations, even differences in location (Yoav and I were long distance for the first two years of our relationship!). I see people be so quick to dismiss a potential match from one thing they don’t like about their profile or one thing they said on an early date. Ultimately, what’s truly important is the fabric of the person’s character, and that the two of you can communicate and compromise through your differences.

But if they’re so allergic to your dog that they break out in hives? Forget about it 🙂

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Happy Dating!

Alyssa

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