A New First Date Trick
I recently made a crazy request to one of my clients.
She’s been going on a ton of first dates, which is awesome.
But after each date, she’d tell me, “I just don’t see a future with them.”
There would always be some x, y, or z reason why they weren’t going to work in the long term, so it wasn’t worth going on a second date.
Here’s what I realized:
She was sitting across from each guy, running everything they said or did through the filter of “could this be my future husband?”
So, naturally, none of these guys stood a chance.
No one is ever their true, fully authentic, relaxed, husband-like selves on a first date!
So I gave her this homework assignment:
“Go into your next date assuming you are never going to see him again.”
Pretty easy to do, right? After all, not seeing the person again was the pattern she’d been perpetuating.
She told me afterwards that she kept repeating the phrase in her mind throughout the date.
And, weirdly… it made her feel way more relaxed.
She could really say whatever she wanted, because she was never going to see him again.
When a joke of his didn’t land, well, who cares? She was never going to see him again.
They had a fun, no pressure time, and then they parted ways.
And the funniest thing happened…
She actually kind of wanted to see him again.
Why?
Because the date hadn’t felt like an audition to be her future husband; it felt like a fun, carefree hang.
None of the “there were all of these micro things wrong with him” thoughts, and, on the flip side, none of the anxious “ohmygosh I hope he liked me when is he going to text me” thoughts.
Because — say it with me — she’d assumed she would never see him again.
Try this on for size on your next first date, and then report back and tell me how it felt!
I have a hunch it’s going to be as liberating for you as it was for my client 🙂
Happy Dating,
Alyssa
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Hi! I’m Alyssa Dineen and I’m a personal stylist and dating coach all rolled into one. I started Style My Profile to help other online daters feel better about getting out there— and staying out there— in the world of online dating. Whether it’s to meet your soulmate, to find a fun person to have dinner with or even just match with more people, I can help you from the ground up.
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