It’s nice to meet you! My name is Katherine — I’ve been on the SMP team for 2 years, and today I’m taking over the blog to tell a little success story of my own.
I online dated a LOT in the last 8 years — enough that I truly believed I could tell if there’d be a second date within the first 15 seconds of meeting someone.
You know what this meant? I went on a lot of second dates with people who had that *spark* I was attracted to — flirty banter with plenty of edge.
Guys who were nice I deemed boring; guys I wasn’t sure I was physically attracted to I wrote off as friends.
The ones who made the second date cut burned hot and bright, and then burned out. I realized they weren’t secure, grounded, and kind, or they realized flirty banter is more fun when it comes with no commitment or further depth of feeling.
At the same time, for my job with Style My Profile, I was often telling clients the story of Alyssa going on a series of early dates with her now partner of 5 years. She wasn’t sure if the *spark* was there with him after the first couple dates, but she knew he was a fundamentally kind and good person, who displayed genuine enthusiasm and curiosity about her life and made her feel valued with no agenda.
She kept seeing him, thinking it could at least be a friendship.
On their fourth date, something switched; it was clearly not just a friendship, and the rest is history.
I found myself thinking a lot about Alyssa’s story. Was I being too hasty in my judgments? Was there something to this give-the-good-guys-a-chance idea?
Enter Brian: kind (but was he too nice?), cute (but was I physically attracted to him?), earnest (but did he have enough edge?), openly into me (but had I earned it?).
There were enough question marks that the old me would have been dismissive.
But my old method of quick judgment calls wasn’t working; I decided to practice what I was preaching at work and go on a second date with “the nice guy.”
It was so obvious how good of a person he was at his core. My questions persisted on the second date, but I gave it a third. They persisted on the third, but I gave it a fourth. Then a fifth.
Thank god I got to that fifth date!
A switch flipped. No longer was he just cute; I’d come to respect the quality of his character so much that suddenly: he was hot! He’d also spent enough time around me to feel way more comfortable; turns out he had a wicked sense of humor and had just needed a little time to loosen up.
Fast forward six months, and I’m deliriously happy.
I gave someone who wore his goodness on his sleeve a couple extra chances, and my reward is a partner I trust will wholeheartedly support and love me through whatever life is going to throw at us.
So I challenge you: give a second, third, fourth chance to that person you get along with and respect. Maybe they’ll wind up being just a friend, and that’s wonderful! But maybe you’ll wake up one day and suddenly realize they’re the hottest person you’ve ever seen 😉
p.s. To get all of Alyssa’s dating advice (maybe another tip will be the one that resonates most with YOU and leads you to your perfect match!), make sure to follow @alyssadineen and @stylemyprofilenyc on Instagram.
And of course, scope out all the SMP packages, courses, and digital downloads over at www.stylemyprofilenyc.com 🙂
Need more dating inspiration, anecdotes, and practical advice?
Purchase my book The Art of Online Dating here!