Let’s say it plainly:
The people you feel instant chemistry with are not always your best matches.
Sometimes they are… but often, they are:
- familiar patterns
- emotional highs you’ve experienced before
- people who activate something—not necessarily something healthy
Meanwhile, the steadier, more grounded people?
They really, truly tend to unfold more slowly.
I’m probably sounding like a broken record, but I’ve seen it over and over again: people’s perceptions can shift dramatically over those first few dates—especially with someone who takes a little time to open up.
And that “slow burn”?
That’s often where the good stuff lives.
And No—You’re Not Wasting Time
This is the biggest pushback I hear:
“I don’t want to waste weeks on the wrong person.”
I’m going to offer you a reframe. Actually, get out a pen right now and write this down on a post-it. Keep it somewhere visible (your nightstand? your fridge?) so you can really take a few seconds to let it sink in every day.
Spending 2–3 weeks getting clarity is not a waste.
Spending months in the wrong dynamic because you trusted the wrong initial feeling?
That’s the waste.
The Good Ol’ Four Date Minimum
The Four-Date Minimum isn’t about forcing something that isn’t there.
It’s about giving something just enough room to become clear.
Sometimes that leads to attraction.
Sometimes it leads to a confident “no.”
Both are wins.
Happy Dating,
Alyssa
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