Dating burnout, just like emotional burnout or burnout at your job, is real.
We saw all the headlines this fall – people are burning out at work, so they’re “quiet quitting,” or essentially keeping work strictly within the confines of the work day and not drastically overextending themselves (since constantly overextending leads to burnout!).
Turns out, you can quiet quit your dating life, too.
There’s a lot of clickbait about how to be a “successful” dater, but here’s a secret: you don’t need to go on a ton of dates in order to be successful at dating. In fact, you’ll burn yourself out if you do!
Instead, quiet quit your dating life.
What does it mean to quiet quit dating?
It means doing a little extra legwork upfront. Do some thoughtful homework about what specifically you’re looking for in a partner (like I’ve preached a million times – make a real list of qualities!). When you spend that extra hour or two of time upfront, you’ll be able to massively narrow down your pool of potential dates to people who genuinely appear to fit your criteria of qualities.
You’ll stop going on date after date with duds who make you feel discouraged about dating. Quiet quitting your dating life is essentially quitting the rat race that dating can be sometimes. Save your energy and enthusiasm for these fewer but better dates!
Watch Alyssa’s interview with PIX 11 News to hear more about quiet quitting and avoiding dating burnout.
Now, hold yourself accountable.
When making your list of qualities, really challenge yourself to distinguish between the absolute dealbreakers and the nice-to-haves.
Then check in with yourself after every date and interrogate whether the person actually checks the boxes from this homework you’ve done. Keeping a real-life journal and writing down people’s qualities has been the best way for me and my clients. Maybe you feel incredible chemistry with someone after a first date, but they travel constantly for work, and you know that dating that person is going to be too frustrating for your lifestyle. It’s hard in the moment, but in the long run, it’s way better to recognize the dealbreakers early and save yourself a lot of emotional turmoil and energy (which then burns you out on dating!).
P.S.: Phone a friend
It can be a teeeensy bit hard to be totally clear-headed about your own dealbreakers (is being over 6’2” reallyyyy the be-all-and-end-all for a potential partner?). My advice is to have someone you trust read your list, and be honest with you about what are reasonable non-negotiables and what maybe actually belongs in “nice to have.”
Is quiet quitting for me?
You guys know me – I’ve always been an advocate for being intentional about online dating, and not exerting time and effort swiping on and going out with people who you know are never going to be an excellent match for you.
That’s not to say you should form a rigid image in your head of what your perfect partner will look like, and never deviate from that formula! I’m super pro meeting people outside of your typical “type” (especially if your perceived “type” hasn’t been working for you). I just encourage you to be thoughtful and considered rather than be a dating maniac 🙂
If you’re going on tons of dates and loving it, then hell yeah, keep meeting interesting and diverse people and having a blast!
But if dating is starting to fill you with as much dread as your 9-to-5 job, this more studied approach to dating might be a New Year’s resolution to try on for size.
Happy Holidays and Happy Dating!