How Long to Wait Before Having Sex in a New Relationship

When I started dating again after nearly 20 years of being with my ex, you can imagine that I had a LOT of questions. Especially when it comes to how long to wait before having sex in a new relationship.

“How long should I wait to have sex?”

“How soon can I have sex?”

“What’s it going to be like?”

“What’s normal???”

Because my friends were either still married or had been single for a long time (and therefore weren’t terrified of having sex with someone new), I didn’t really have anyone to turn to to ask for advice on this topic. 

My married friends were either dying of curiosity and living vicariously, or they were terrified on my behalf thinking I might end up left for dead in some alley. 

I clearly had to venture forth on my own when it came to anything sex-related. 

How long to wait before having sex in a new relationship?

Here’s what I learned: sex is PERSONAL. What you like is personal, what kind of timeline you’re on is personal.

As much as people want to tell you that there are—there actually are no hard rules other than listening to your gut.

Have sex when you – and your new partner – want to. Whether that’s on the first date or the 15th is up to you. So really there are not any clear guidelines on how long to wait before having sex in a new relationship, this is a personal choice.

If there are 3 things I learned about sex, it’s this:

1. You are normal. Forget what society, TV, and the media say about “traditional” sex habits. Embrace your sexuality and do what makes you happy and comfortable. There are no rules
2. Communicate. Challenge yourself to openly communicate with your partner and constantly check in—you both will benefit.
3. Enjoy! Listen to your desires, listen to your partner, and enjoy all that sex and intimacy have to offer. It doesn’t matter what you used to do or what you used to like or what your previous partner liked or told you—it’s all about YOU now.

I cover even more about that taboo topic of sex and intimacy in my Mindful Dating 101 course. Check it out 🙂