How To Flirt Like Austin Butler

Ready for a shocking statement?

Flirting is easy.

WHAT?!?!?!?!? Then why have there been years worth of magazine articles and books published on how to flirt? Why does a friend nudging you and saying “go over there and flirt with him!” immediately make your palms start sweating and your tongue feel tied?

Listen, there are a lot of different ways to flirt, and some are going to feel more out of your comfort zone than others. There’s the intellectual flirting of witty banter; there’s the physical flirting of proximity and playful touch. But maybe you’re more thoughtful and less quick with words, or maybe you’re more shy and not very touchy-feely. Maybe these tactics aren’t right for you.

I’m here to talk about a style of flirting that everyone—yes, you!—can do. Our teacher? The actor Austin Butler, of Elvis-drawl and hunky smolder fame.

I recently came across this article in Glamour about how Austin Butler flirts with all of his interviewers. A fan quoted in the article states: “People who think they can’t flirt, watch and learn, this is a MASTERCLASS from Austin Butler.” I couldn’t agree more!

Let me break Austin’s style down for you:

How To Flirt Step 1: Sustained eye contact.

We all know that feeling of talking to someone at a party whose eyes are darting around, eager to find someone they’d prefer to be speaking with. It sucks. You know who would never do that? Austin Butler.

Austin Butler maintains locked-in eye contact with whomever he is speaking to at the moment. That means that even if the conversation is quick, that person can leave feeling like they were briefly the center of Austin Butler’s universe, that he had no interest in anything else besides them.

Sure, it doesn’t hurt that he’s gorgeous and famous, but I can’t overstate the power of eye contact. I’m not talking about the eye contact you make with your coworker in a meeting or your friend over brunch, even if both of those people do have your undivided attention. I’m talking about eye contact where you’re noticing every fleck and color in the other person’s eyes, where nothing else exists in the space around you.

I know that can sound a little scary and vulnerable, but actually, Austin Butler himself uses it as a tool to overcome fear. According to an interview in the New York Times, he explained that this connected gaze, which he learned in an acting class, helped him conquer a once-crippling shyness. “If every time I feel attention on me, I start to feel like I’m imploding, then I just need to put my curiosity onto the other person,” he said.

Which leads me to step 2…

How To Flirt Step 2: Genuine curiosity.

This is the only other step in our 2-step flirting process, and it’s equally as important. What makes Austin Butler such a master of flirting is that he turns the spotlight from himself to the interviewer, always being the first to ask a question and then immediately following it up with another related question, and another, and another.

We’re all the heroes of our own stories, right? So when someone wants to hear about us, either on a grand scale or the mundane, it feels extremely flattering.

The interest just has to feel genuine, which is accomplished by eye contact (“nothing else is more important than this conversation”) and follow-up questions (“I actually heard what you said and I want to know more”).

Here are questions that Austin Butler asked two interviewers:

“Have we met before?
Are you from here?
So you’re from Sydney?
What else can you tell me, how old are you?
What are you interested in?
Art? Do you paint yourself?
Where do you find your art?”
​(Watch the video here)

And, upon learning one interviewer had a pet rabbit:

“What’s your rabbit called?
Berry?
How do you spell that, like a blueberry?
Aw that’s cute, B-E-R-R-Y?
How old is she?
Aww, is she super soft?
She cuddles with you?
Where does she sleep?
Does she sleep in your bed?
What color is she?
I wanna see pictures so much.”
​(Watch the video here)

Katherine, who many of you know is one of my SMP coaches, told me she just tried this on her boyfriend after he got out of a meeting.

I locked eyes with him, cocked my head a little bit Austin Butler-style to show how intently I was listening, and asked in quick succession, “What was the meeting about? A new project, what’s the project? Are you excited about it? What’s your favorite kind of project? Do you have any of those coming up? What are you looking forward to?”

“Are you flirting with me?” he LITERALLY asked.

I loved this little anecdote so much! And also… it WORKS!

In next week’s post, we’re going to curate a list of some specific upcoming in-person events for meeting singles in a variety of major cities. That’s why we focused on flirting this week: we wanted to give you a little time to practice, so you’ll be ready to hit the flirting ground running at some in-person events!

So I’ll leave you with a challenge: heading out this weekend? Do your best Austin Butler impression on any eligible singles, and report back how it worked 😊

Happy Flirting!
​
Alyssa
​
P.S. Don’t forget, you can also book a complimentary call with me directly to chat about the one-on-one services I offer as well!

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