How to Talk to Kids About Dating – Timing, Tact, and Truth

Going through a divorce is emotionally fraught on its own.

Sorting through those emotions to figure out when you’re ready to date again is a whole other thing.

And figuring out when and how to talk to kids about dating is a whole OTHER thing.

Now, there’s no magic, foolproof way to share this with your kids. But from going through it myself, learning from a community of other parents who have navigated this, and talking with plenty of therapists, there are a few universal truths.

It all comes down to timing, tact, and truth.

Timing

There are two general rules of thumb here: wait until a year after your divorce to talk to your kids about dating, and wait until you’ve been dating one person consistently for 6 months to introduce that person to your kids.

There’s nuance here of course, but friends and therapists say this kind of timeline is respectful both of your kids, and of yourself.

I’ve seen people use their kids as a crutch or excuse to keep new potential partners at arms length, and that’s not doing anyone any favors. Don’t let fear of judgment or conflict get in the way of developing new and real relationships.

Tact

When you decide it’s time to tell your kids you’re dating, remember that you’re the adult in the room, and you can control how normal or how tense the energy is.

Wanting to date is not something to be ashamed of or feel like you have to hide!

If you approach it like it’s comfortable and normal (because it is!!), you’ll create a safe space.

Truth

Kids are some of the best B.S.-detectors in the world.

My eldest daughter was 10 when I started dating, and it was like she could sniff out that something was up. She played detective, and I was the case to crack. Despite my best efforts, she could tell I was hiding something from her — and, naturally, that gave her a lot of anxiety.

Telling the truth is the way to go. Unless they’re genuinely too little to understand, your kids are going to be grateful for, and comforted by, your honesty.

And you know what? If you don’t act like it’s something shameful that you need to hide, that’s going to expedite them being happy for you, too. Fundamentally, your kids want you to be happy.

Think of this as a guideline, not a rule, and as always, trust your gut. Think about how the three Ts can apply to your own situation! (And honestly, they’re good to keep in mind in pretty much every potentially tricky moment we find ourselves in through life.)

Happy Dating,

Alyssa

The One and Only DIY Profile Kit

Designed for getting your profile Swipe-Right ready in as little time as possible. With the DIY Profile Kit, you’ll learn to avoid the most common pitfalls that make for an undesirable profile while building a winning profile that attracts individuals who match your lifestyle and standards.

LEARN MORE

MORE DATING ADVICE

<< MORE DATING APP ADVICE