There’s a huge dating fallacy I keep hearing: the more matches I have, the more successful I am at online dating.

Not so!

More and more, my clients have been coming to me after we’ve reworked their profile saying “I’m getting SO MANY matches!” Obviously, this is an awesome indicator that we’ve done good work, and that your profile is showcasing you well. Congrats on that front!

But racking up matches isn’t the end goal— meeting people in person and going on (ideally, great) dates is. And the more matches you have at a given time in your queue, the less time you’re going to devote to nurturing a potential date with each of them.

You only have so much time in a day to message with matches, and you only have so many days in a week to go on dates.

If you’re juggling conversations with 10 people at once, you’re inevitably going to forget to respond to someone. Or you’ll intentionally not respond to someone, because you feel like a couple other people you’re talking to are “more exciting”—and then you miss out on that person who may have been great for you, but isn’t as immediately scintillating of a texter.

So when someone asks me “How many people should I match with?”…

Here’s the secret I’ve been telling my clients:

Match with only 3 or 4 people at a time.

That’s all you need at once! Here’s what it’s going to do for you:

• You’ll have more thoughtful conversations, where you can actually respond promptly and spend time determining if you want to go on a date, rather than spreading yourself too thin over 10 conversations (and losing track of who everyone is)
• You won’t let your matches accidentally fall through the cracks or expire (something I see happen all the time)
• You’ll avoid app burnout. You don’t need to spend more time on the apps than is necessary—5-10 minutes per day is enough. If you’re swiping for 2 hours every day to try to get the highest number of matches, you’re going to quickly burn out. You only need to swipe to maintain that 3-4 number of people you’re interested in—once you do, you can stop.
• You won’t wind up with an overwhelming number of dates. Having too many dates in a row is going to cause you to be pickier, and not give someone who is a slower burn a second (or third) chance. Don’t forget how many dates SMP coach Katherine and I had to go on with our respective partners before realizing they were the ones!

How great is it to give yourself a new dating goal that actually requires less work? Enjoy this new matching philosophy and let me know if it works for you 😊

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Happy Matching!

Alyssa

The One and Only DIY Profile Kit

Designed for getting your profile Swipe-Right ready in as little time as possible. With the DIY Profile Kit, you’ll learn to avoid the most common pitfalls that make for an undesirable profile while building a winning profile that attracts individuals who match your lifestyle and standards.

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