The Trap of Dating App Optimization
A word about optimizing:
Dating apps are pretty astonishing modern conveniences. Imagine 50 years ago saying, “I only want to meet men who are over 6’2″, have a graduate degree, don’t drink any alcohol, work out regularly, are 45-48 years old, and live within 2 miles of me.”
Back then, good luck finding someone who meets each and every criteria out at a bar or through a friend.
But today, you can add those filters to your dating profile, and a queue matching your description will appear at your fingertips.
The problem is… to put it bluntly, we’re all kind of idiots when it comes to knowing what we’re looking for.
How many people do you know who have said they never would have guessed they’d wind up with their partner?
And how many people have you gone out with who meet your external checkboxes of job/height/background/income, but who haven’t worked out?
I want to offer this reframe for you.
Instead of asking “does this person check every box,” ask yourself “would I rather find love and laughter with someone who’s taller/shorter than my ideal, or would I rather remain single?“
Really, truly ask yourself that. “Would I rather be in a supportive relationship with someone who lives an hour away, or would I rather be single?“
If it feels happier to you to be single than to make a certain compromise, then that’s a true dealbreaker for you, and that’s great! Don’t compromise to be in a relationship that you’d be happier not being in.
But if you’re trying to game the system and manifest someone who has the superficial qualities of your “dream partner,” you are severely limiting your chances of finding a supportive, long-lasting partner.
Challenge yourself to expand your horizons. I promise: there are some great people out there.
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Hi! I’m Alyssa Dineen and I’m a personal stylist and dating coach all rolled into one. I started Style My Profile to help other online daters feel better about getting out there— and staying out there— in the world of online dating. Whether it’s to meet your soulmate, to find a fun person to have dinner with or even just match with more people, I can help you from the ground up.
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DIY PROFILE KIT
Purchase our Profile In An Hour, designed for getting your profile swipe-right ready in as little time as possible.
$79