4 Signs You Need A Break From Dating

Online dating!

At times so exciting… and at times so fraught.

I’m a big proponent of taking dating breaks.

That kind of advice is maybe not great for my business model 🙃

But when I see clients and friends reaching a certain level of frustrated, that’s really the best advice I can give.

Look, online dating is going to be tedious sometimes, and can even be disheartening sometimes.

I have plenty of posts on my website about how to combat the doldrums on the day-to-day to stay positive on the apps.

But if you start consistently noticing any of these 4 signs, then what you need isn’t just a pep talk; it’s a break.

4 Signs You Should Take a Break from Dating

1. You’re automatically swiping left 95% of the time

If your thumb starts feeling tired from the repetitive motion of swiping left…

You should take a break!

It’s okay to be discerning—but you can only be truly discerning if you’re looking at and evaluating someone’s entire profile.

When your default is to churn through profiles thinking “Ugh, no. Ugh, no. Ugh, no,” then you’ve gotten stuck in a rut, my friend.

2. You’re bored messaging about your own go-to topic

I love when a person’s profile has some sort of lighthearted but thought-provoking topic.

It makes it so easy for others to strike up a conversation with you!

But if you reach a point where people are messaging you about your fun topic of choice and you can’t help but roll your eyes at the unoriginality…

You should take a break!

(Or, even better, you should change that prompt.)

Messaging fatigue is going to zap the fun right out of all your conversations.

So monitor yourself—don’t keep going if you’re feeling forced or bored.

Those might be great, compatible people you’re messaging with, but you’re wasting the potential with them if the banter isn’t fresh for you.

Take some time off and come back when you’ve got some new fodder that excites you.

3. Before your date, you feel like it’s going to be a waste of time

We all know the feeling of wanting to cancel a plan the closer and closer it gets.

Some anticipation or nerves before a first date is totally normal!

But when the pre-date thoughts in your head become:

“Why am I even bothering. I know I won’t like this person, this is going to be such a waste of time”….

You should take a break!

Dating isn’t exclusively about the end goal.

Dating is about meeting a whole bunch of interesting and different people, even if they’re not your soulmate!

It’s about getting a little dressed up and feeling a little flirty and fun!

When you’re anticipating a date the way you anticipate your least-favorite chore, it’s time for a reset.

4. You see an email from me and you press delete

I suppose if you’ve read this far, this might not apply to you!

But for real—if you see my name in your inbox and you think:

“Ugh, here’s some more “advice” I don’t need,”

—or, better yet, you delete it without a second thought—

You should take a break!

That’s a sign to me that dating has lost its luster for you.

“Everything I do lands me with bad dates, so why even bother with trying to improve anything.”

Cynicism is no one’s friend in online dating. Allow yourself some time off to come back refreshed!



A “break” from online dating can be 3 days.

It can be a solid 3 months.

For many people I know, it’s 3 years or more.

The key is to make it intentional.

I used to take breaks all the time when I was online dating.

I’d start to feel burnt out, and like even opening the app was a chore.

So I wouldn’t open it. I’d fill my brain with other thoughts, and my days with other activities.

A few weeks would go by and I’d think “huh… I’m actually jonesing for a bit of witty banter and a night out.”

So I’d open up my app again, and it really did feel fresh and new.

The one thing I’d change is that I took these breaks passively. I’d get kind of annoyed and would forget to open my app, until I finally felt like opening it again.

I think an intentional break is much more rejuvenating.

Set a time for yourself—“I’m going to take a break for 1 month”—and then go into your app settings and actually pause your profile, so others can’t continue to see you.

This is so much better for your mindset, because you can totally let yourself off the hook for whatever time you set.

You’re not “avoiding dating,” you’re opening up space and time for other things that fulfill you!

It’s also a lot better for your algorithm.

You’re not letting likes on your profile accumulate and teaching your algo that you’re someone who doesn’t respond.

Then, when the time is up, check in with yourself:

Do you feel ready? Do you need more time?

Suddenly, you’re in control of your dating, it’s not controlling you against your will.

Try it out, and let me know what the ideal break length is for you!

Happy break-from-dating,

Alyssa

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Hi! I’m Alyssa Dineen and I’m a personal stylist and dating coach all rolled into one. I started Style My Profile to help other online daters feel better about getting out there— and staying out there— in the world of online dating. Whether it’s to meet your soulmate, to find a fun person to have dinner with or even just match with more people, I can help you from the ground up.

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