It’s nice to meet you! My name is Katherine — I’ve been on the SMP team for 2 years, and today I’m taking over the blog to tell a little success story of my own.
​
I online dated a LOT in the last 8 years — enough that I truly believed I could tell if there’d be a second date within the first 15 seconds of meeting someone.
​
You know what this meant? I went on a lot of second dates with people who had that *spark* I was attracted to — flirty banter with plenty of edge.
​
Guys who were nice I deemed boring; guys I wasn’t sure I was physically attracted to I wrote off as friends.
​
The ones who made the second date cut burned hot and bright, and then burned out. I realized they weren’t secure, grounded, and kind, or they realized flirty banter is more fun when it comes with no commitment or further depth of feeling.
​
At the same time, for my job with Style My Profile, I was often telling clients the story of Alyssa going on a series of early dates with her now partner of 5 years. She wasn’t sure if the *spark* was there with him after the first couple dates, but she knew he was a fundamentally kind and good person, who displayed genuine enthusiasm and curiosity about her life and made her feel valued with no agenda.
​
She kept seeing him, thinking it could at least be a friendship.
​
On their fourth date, something switched; it was clearly not just a friendship, and the rest is history.
​
I found myself thinking a lot about Alyssa’s story. Was I being too hasty in my judgments? Was there something to this give-the-good-guys-a-chance idea?
​
Enter Brian: kind (but was he too nice?), cute (but was I physically attracted to him?), earnest (but did he have enough edge?), openly into me (but had I earned it?).
​
There were enough question marks that the old me would have been dismissive.
​
But my old method of quick judgment calls wasn’t working; I decided to practice what I was preaching at work and go on a second date with “the nice guy.”
​
It was so obvious how good of a person he was at his core. My questions persisted on the second date, but I gave it a third. They persisted on the third, but I gave it a fourth. Then a fifth.
​
Thank god I got to that fifth date!
​
A switch flipped. No longer was he just cute; I’d come to respect the quality of his character so much that suddenly: he was hot! He’d also spent enough time around me to feel way more comfortable; turns out he had a wicked sense of humor and had just needed a little time to loosen up.
​
Fast forward six months, and I’m deliriously happy.
​
I gave someone who wore his goodness on his sleeve a couple extra chances, and my reward is a partner I trust will wholeheartedly support and love me through whatever life is going to throw at us.
​
So I challenge you: give a second, third, fourth chance to that person you get along with and respect. Maybe they’ll wind up being just a friend, and that’s wonderful! But maybe you’ll wake up one day and suddenly realize they’re the hottest person you’ve ever seen 😉
​
Happy dating,
Katherine

​
p.s. To get all of Alyssa’s dating advice (maybe another tip will be the one that resonates most with YOU and leads you to your perfect match!), make sure to follow @alyssadineen and @stylemyprofilenyc on Instagram.

And of course, scope out all the SMP packages, courses, and digital downloads over at www.stylemyprofilenyc.com 🙂