If you’ve ever gotten “the ick” and immediately written someone off… we need to talk.
Because I recently had the most fun, honest, slightly unhinged (in the best way) conversation with Natasha Chandel — comedian, writer, and former host of the Kinda Dating podcast — and we went in.
Natasha used to the the queen of “the ick,” calling herself a commitment-phobe, keeping people at arm’s length, staying in control, and never getting too vulnerable. Sound familiar?
But then life did what life does — and she ended up in a full-blown relationship with someone she met on Hinge… right before the pandemic… and moved in with him on their third date.
Yes. Third. Date.
(Truly, what a time to be alive.)
And somehow… it worked. They’re now married.
Which is exactly why I wanted to unpack this idea of “the ick,” because I see it all the time with my clients. Most of the time it’s not intuition, it’s an exit strategy.
It’s your brain spotting one small thing — the way he phrases something, a slightly awkward moment, a vibe that’s not instantly perfect — and using it as permission to bail before things get real.
Because getting to know someone? Actually staying curious past that first impression? Letting something build instead of expecting it to hit immediately?
That requires vulnerability. And vulnerability is uncomfortable.
So we call it a “gut feeling” and move on.
And listen, I’m not saying ignore real red flags. Those exist. But there’s a big difference between a red flag and a human moment.
The other thing we got into (which I loved) is how quick we are to label other people as afraid of commitment without looking at our own patterns.
One of the simplest (and hardest) shifts you can make is this: if you like someone, let them know.
No waiting three hours to text back. No pretending you’re busier or less interested than you are. That whole dynamic doesn’t create attraction, it creates confusion.
The right person isn’t going to be turned off by your interest. They’re going to feel relieved by it.
So if there’s one thing I want you to take from all of this, it’s this: not every moment of discomfort is a sign to leave. Sometimes it’s actually the moment right before something meaningful has the chance to begin.
If this is hitting a nerve (in a good way), you’re going to love this episode. It’s funny, honest, and very real — and I think you’ll see yourself in more of it than you expect.
You can listen to the full episode on Spotify, Apple, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Happy Dating,
Alyssa
