Get off the dating apps—and onto an IRL date

If you read my email last week, you heard that I went to the Global Love Institute conference here in NYC a couple weeks ago. So you will be hearing a lot about what I learned from some of the other industry experts!

One of the subjects that came up a few times from a few different coaches/speakers is the fact that most people get stuck messaging on the apps…. Forever. Ok, maybe not forever but for weeks or even longer, with the same person, with neither person making any moves to make a date. And boy did I feel this one in my bones!

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve talked to clients who haven’t gone out on dates and wonder why and the conversation goes something like this:

Me: So you’ve been messaging with a few people. That’s great! Any dates lined up?

Client: Not yet. I’ve been messaging with this one person for over a week and this other person for about 2 weeks.

Me: And have you suggested meeting in person?

Client: Not yet. I’m not sure when to ask them out/I’m waiting for them to ask me out.

Me: How many messages have gone back and forth?

Client: Oh I’ve lost track—we message a few times a day.

Me: 😑

Can you spot the problem here?

They think the’ve been “getting to know one another.” But as many of you know, you can’t really get to know anyone by just texting with them. You need to see their facial expressions, their mannerisms, and be in their presence. In fact, when you message and message without talking on the phone or meeting in person, you build up an idea of someone… and you’re almost always let down once you finally meet. Then you’ve potentially wasted weeks or even months texting with a fictional person who doesn’t really exist.

Here’s what I’ve learned over the many years I’ve been date coaching, along with the 2 years I was doing it myself: there is a common misconception that a date is going to spontaneously happen if the two people just text a lot over a week or two 😉 Neither party is sure how it’s going to actually happen, but there will be a sign from on high suddenly that tells one of them to ask the other out.

Unfortunately, that’s not how it works.

So can you guess what I’m going to say next?

ASK THEM OUT.

Or, if you’re a woman dating men and you don’t feel comfortable doing so, you can nudge them along by saying, “I’d love to take this conversation in person!” Simple as that.

Try it! And get off the apps and onto an IRL date.

​​

Happy Dating,

Alyssa

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