Incognito Mode: Go undercover on your dating apps

I know some of you lead high-profile lives, and are reluctant to have information about yourself out there on dating apps.

I also know some of you want to be on the apps, but want to just get the lay of the land before people start swiping on you and sending you messages.

And I’m willing to bet some of you might have particular preferences you’re looking for in a partner that you want to be upfront about on your dating apps, but you’d raaaaather not risk having a colleague or friend stumble across your profile and seeing your dating self.

There’s a brilliant solution: Incognito Mode.

Most of the main apps have a feature called Incognito Mode, which allows you to set up a profile and swipe away, but only people you’ve swiped right on will get to see your profile.

The downside, of course, is that people can’t find and reach out to you first. But the major upside is that you can completely control who gets to see your profile (and you’ll avoid Likes and messages from people you’re not interested in).

Personally, I liked that my profile was visible to anyone on the apps — I found myself more open to liking and matching with people who weren’t my typical “type” if they’d liked me first.

At the same time, I totally get that you might not want to risk Marty from accounting seeing you in outfits you wouldn’t wear to the office, or learning that you like long walks on the beach (or more sensitive preferences).

Interested in trying out Incognito Mode?

Here’s how Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, and Match explain how to turn it on for each of their apps.


Navigate to the setting icons, which are located on the top left corner of the app. Scroll down to find the “Show me on Tinder” option. Uncheck this option. Press the “Done” button located at the top right corner.

Bumble (only on Bumble Premium):

To sign up for Bumble Premium and activate Incognito Mode, tap on the gray heart located at the bottom of your screen and click “Upgrade to Premium.” You can also head to the gray silhouette in the lower left-hand corner of the screen and select the option to buy Bumble Premium. Once that’s done (or if you already have Premium), click on the gray silhouette located at the bottom left of your screen, select the setting button, scroll down, and toggle on Incognito Mode. Rest assured, no one else on Bumble will ever know when or if you’re using it, and you can turn it off anytime.


Incognito Mode is its own paid feature (it’s not included in OkCupid Basic or Premium, it’s separate).
You can make sure Incognito is turned on under the “Profile” tab when using the OkCupid app, on your main profile page when using the mobile website, and under your profile menu on the desktop website.


Private Mode can be purchased during the initial subscription process or later at a pro-rated price.
1. Tap on the “Profile” icon at the bottom of the screen.
2. Tap on the gear icon at the top of your profile page.
3. Under “Profile Visibility,” select the visibility you would like for your profile: Visible, Hidden, or Private Mode.
4. When you select a new visibility option, the change will go into effect immediately.

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Hi! I’m Alyssa Dineen and I’m a personal stylist and dating coach all rolled into one. I started Style My Profile to help other online daters feel better about getting out there— and staying out there— in the world of online dating. Whether it’s to meet your soulmate, to find a fun person to have dinner with or even just match with more people, I can help you from the ground up.


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