Let’s play: Perfect Man/Perfect Woman

I used to play a game with my friends in college called Perfect Man/Perfect Woman. The concept was pretty simple: imagine your perfect man or perfect woman, like your soulmate, but…. they have x, y, or z flaw. Would that be a dealbreaker for you?

Some favorites I can still remember:

• Perfect man/perfect woman… but they always pronounce everyone’s name just a tiny bit wrong.
• Perfect man/perfect woman… but they jump up to try to hit the top of every door frame they walk through.
• Perfect man/perfect woman… but they text and email exclusively in all caps.

I like to think of online dating as one big game of perfect man/perfect woman.

Now, to be clear: the vast, vast majority of people on the apps are not going to be your perfect man or woman!

But I can guarantee you’re eliminating a lot of people for qualities or perceived traits that, if they were your perfect match in every other way, would not ultimately be a dealbreaker.

I see everyone doing it constantly. For women, it’s often about men who are shorter than them (or, god forbid, are any height under 5’10”!) or who are bald. Well, I’m living proof that my perfect man (who, I’ll remind you, I met on Tinder) is bald, and he’s pretty much perfect in every way—imagine if I’d made something so superficial a dealbreaker!

For men, I see it all the time with age. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard a man say “I’m 55 but I feel 40, so I set my age range to 25-40,” I’d have a lot of dollars. Isn’t it possible that another 55-year-old woman (or 60, or 65) might feel just as youthful and energetic as you do? If you met the woman of your dreams and found out she was several years older than you, would that seriously be a dealbreaker?

And for both genders, I see it all the time for job prestige or perceived wealth. I don’t know about you — but if a genie appeared and said “I can conjure the most perfect man to complement you, but he makes a third of what you make,” I’d say “conjure away!!” Making a few lifestyle adjustments would be so worth having a partner who loved me, listened to me, made me feel empowered, and made me feel seen, versus someone who could offer me every creature comfort but left me feeling anxious, unfulfilled, or didn’t make me laugh.

So the next time you go on a dating app, try playing the perfect man/perfect woman game! Don’t use the apps to try to find the perfect man or woman in your mind’s eye — be open to people who might surprise you. I guarantee you’ll have a lot more success 🙂
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Happy Dating,

Alyssa

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