Online Dating Stamina

I’ve been reflecting a lot recently on online dating stamina.

I read so many posts in my own Facebook group, plus the dozens of other dating groups and articles and threads I follow, plus the constant chorus of my clients and my friends—and it’s all a version of “I’ve been on the dating apps for a year, and I’m so discouraged. I’m going to give up.”

Please hear me when I say: being on a dating app doesn’t define you.

Think about it like this:

You have a job, but you don’t love it. It affects your day-to-day happiness. You want to find a new job that promises to improve your quality of life.

So you start applying for jobs. You spend an hour here and there on job boards and LinkedIn. Maybe there are weeks you go through spurts of pouring your all into the hunt, just to come up empty handed. Maybe you have a few interviews that don’t pan out. Maybe you’re even a finalist, but the job goes to the other candidate.

Plus, oh my god is the job market tough right now. Finding a new job is harder than ever.

But if you haven’t landed your dream job after a year, do you say “Well, I guess I’ll never get another job, and I should throw in the towel and stay in this one for the rest of my life”? Or would you realize the job market is volatile, the right ones come and go, and one day your application is going to be just what someone is looking for — because you’re qualified, damn it, and when the right job comes along they will recognize your value!

Now swap “job” for “partner,” “applications” for “time on dating apps,” and “interviews” for “dates.”

Being on a dating app for a number of months, or a year, or even a number of years (as I was!) can absolutely feel exhausting, and can absolutely feel like proof that the apps “don’t work.” Recognize when you’re feeling that way, acknowledge it, and take a dating app breather, just like you would take a break from applying to jobs in order to relax and feel rejuvenated.

Then come back to it, and do your very best to remind yourself that things take time, and that is not a reflection either of your value or of the functionality of dating apps.

Set yourself up for success by reading the online dating tips and philosophies in my blog or the blogs of other coaches (or do yourself one better a get personalized coaching from me) to ensure there’s nothing you’re doing that is sabotaging your chance of success on the apps. And then after that? Time and consistency are your friend, and are going to ultimately pay off. I encourage you to do your best to enjoy the ride along the way!

Happy Dating,

Alyssa

p.s. If you’re looking for that personalized attention but working one-on-one with me is not for you, don’t forget that there’s a new cohort of group coaching starting soon. Book a free consultation call with me now and I’ll walk you through it all 🙂

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