Don’t Sweat the Dating Profile Minutiae

When I work with clients one-on-one, I do all of the quote unquote “hard” stuff for you. I choose which apps you should be on, which photos to use in exactly which order, and my writer literally writes your bios and prompts for you. You plug everything into your profile and there you have it: a dating-coach-approved profile. Let the likes come pouring in!

But I’ve noticed a lot of clients get stymied by the little things.

“What should I put as my job title?”

“What are the best interests to pick?”

“I’ve lived in a few places, what am I supposed to list as my hometown?”

Bumble is the worst for this, because it has so many categories of optional information to include. Look at all these!

Clients will hem and haw over each tiny biographical detail they include, and the next thing they know, weeks have gone by and their profiles still aren’t published.

So I’m here to say: don’t sweat the small stuff.

All of these additional little things you can choose to include don’t fundamentally matter. Think about it the other way around: when you’re evaluating someone’s profile, are you going to change your mind about swiping right or left because they list “coffee” or “hiking” in their interests, or because they say they’re looking for “honesty” or “kindness”?

Of course not!

You’re paying attention to their photos, bios, and prompts, and beyond that, I bet you’re only looking for little things you might have in common—maybe they went to the University of Vermont and you grew up in Burlington, or they list a niche interest like bouldering and that’s also a love of yours.

If you’re asking yourself “Am I going to get more matches if I say my top causes are reproductive rights and environmentalism vs. immigrant rights and feminism,” you’ve been sucked too far in!

My rule of thumb is: don’t clutter up your profile.

A bunch of extraneous stuff doesn’t serve you. People are only going to take the time to read so much on any individual profile—so make sure it’s the stuff that counts.

On Bumble, here’s what I recommend.

In the categories of Interests, My causes and communities, Qualities I value, and Languages, less is more. If there are things in any of these that really make you stand out—for example, you’re vegetarian, you’re neurodiverse, you’re fluent in Japanese—then they’re great to include. Avoid generic ones like “foodie” or “volunteering” or “emotional intelligence.”

In the More About You category, include the things that are most actively important in your life. If you’re not into astrology, for example, then don’t include your star sign—including it will telegraph that it’s a thing that’s actively important to you. Include religion if it’s presently an important part of your life, but not if you were raised Catholic and now only go to church on Easter. You get the idea.

I also think it’s good to include things about you that may go against the grain. Smoking is a big nonstarter for a lot of people, so if you’re a smoker, be upfront about it. Not listing anything about smoking is akin to saying that you’re in the majority, aka that you don’t smoke.

Not listing your political views is also typically a sign that you align with the majority in your geographical area. New York City is a pretty liberal hub, for example, so many of my liberal clients don’t proactively list it on their profiles, because it’s assumed.

A good tip if you’re not sure whether to include something? Keep an eye on other people’s profiles while you’re swiping to see what the norm is in your area.

Well, I just wrote a lot for a newsletter where the takeaway is less is more!

But truly, don’t overthink all these extra things on your profile. They’re not going to particularly boost your profile, but they’re certainly not going to hurt you if they’re there.

Don’t spend time agonizing over these micro decisions! Hit publish on your profile and spend that time swiping and messaging instead.

And if you need more help with the “hard” parts of writing your bios/prompts or deciding which photos you should include, our ​DIY Profile Kit​ will walk you through every step of putting together a stellar dating profile.

Happy Dating!

Alyssa

The One and Only DIY Profile Kit

Designed for getting your profile Swipe-Right ready in as little time as possible. With the DIY Profile Kit, you’ll learn to avoid the most common pitfalls that make for an undesirable profile while building a winning profile that attracts individuals who match your lifestyle and standards.

LEARN MORE

MORE DATING TOOLS

<< MORE DATING APP ADVICE